Inspire. To fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. To create (a feeling, especially a positive one) in a person. To animate someone with (such a feeling). To give rise to. People look at me & say I am an inspiration. Why? What have I done? I have done nothing.…
Tag: childhood cancer
The Art of Precious Scars
I have been wanting to write for some time and haven’t. I don’t know exactly why I haven’t. I have these thoughts I want to get out but I’m always doing something and I say “later”. I have been plagued by guilt and unanswered questions- questions which will NEVER be answered. Questions only TJ could answer. So I turn to…
New Ink
I’m not sure if it’s obvious from any of my pictures, but I have this special tattoo on my right shoulder. My daughter designed it in remembrance of TJ and it’s been with me for just over two years. The original idea (per my request) had song lyrics wrapping the perimeter of a crescent moon that holds a swing with…
On More Than One Level
I see now that most of the hard times in my life now are difficult “on more than one level.” Nothing has a cut and dry reason or explanation. If you saw me getting tearful today you would reasonably assume it’s because I am missing the chatter of Rachel’s energy. What wouldn’t be obvious is that there’s another level of…
4 Years, 1461 Days, 35064 Hours, 2103840 Minutes
Two million, one-hundred-three thousand, eight hundred, forty minutes. That is how long it has been that I have known about gliomatosis cerebri, the beast that ended my son’s earthly existence but can NEVER end his spirit. On this day four years ago I was taking TJ to the ER with my sister at my side. About five hours into our…
It’s Graduation Time
Facebook did it to me again. Those memories that pop up everyday. I don’t hate them. Truly I don’t. They bring me daily reminders of my sweet TJ and happy times we had together- our dates, his singing, him playing with his siblings, his Lego and origami creations, they are all great things. Normally (by which I mean 50-60% of…
Terminal D
As I sat in terminal D four days ago at the Philadelphia airport I couldn’t help but think of the last time I was here. Our entire family was heading to Maui for TJ’s Make a Wish trip. It was a happy time. Happy knowing TJ would get to see the banyan tree. That tree was the reason he chose…