On certain nights, though, the weight of the atmosphere is so great that all I can do is sit in my chair at the kitchen table, silently cryining and unable to move.
The Un-Valentine Day
Tag: brain cancer
Hills and Valleys
Today I celebrate the first anniversary of This Mama’s Heart. When I started last January, I wasn’t quite sure if anyone outside my family and close friends would be interested in my thoughts- the good, bad, and the ugly. But as it turns out, other people are interested and I am truly blessed to know I have touched hearts. I…
Home
I thought I knew what I was going to write about. Three years ago today, TJ and I were being airlifted from Washington, D.C. to Philadelphia, from one Children’s Hospital to another. I thought I was going to tell you about all the hope I felt that day to be able to get back to our home hospital and meet…
Christmas Past
Christmas day is nearly upon us. It can feel quite surreal since Christmas is the start of the worst three weeks of my life. On December 26th, 2015 the shit hit the fan and the bottom fell out of my world. I can hardly bring myself to write about it. Everything was going “well” (meaning as well as it could…
Music, Lights, and Nutcrackers, Oh My
Driving to the home school co-op this morning I felt the holiday sadness creeping in. Like a wiggle worm- one part “get off me” and one part “don’t go away”- the emotions moved through my ears to my head, to my heart, and finally finding their escape route as tears that drenched my cheeks. It’s never easy knowing how to…
Out of the Dust Springs Life
Thanksgiving. It’s tomorrow. My co-worker called me this morning to ask if I’d be okay. “It is what it is,” I replied. “Yes, it is.” We ended our conversation with promises to talk tomorrow and I moseyed into the kitchen to tackle some cleaning. After all the dishes were cleaned I set my sights on dusting. I enlisted the help…
Inspiration?
Inspire. To fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. To create (a feeling, especially a positive one) in a person. To animate someone with (such a feeling). To give rise to. People look at me & say I am an inspiration. Why? What have I done? I have done nothing.…
Who I Always Was
Mind. Blown. I had tied a bow on my last post and decided to do some further reading on the art of kintsugi. It’s the Japanese art of repairing pottery with silver and gold. On the website of My Modern Met it tells the history of this beautiful technique. There it says: “The practice is related to the Japanese philosophy…
The Art of Precious Scars
I have been wanting to write for some time and haven’t. I don’t know exactly why I haven’t. I have these thoughts I want to get out but I’m always doing something and I say “later”. I have been plagued by guilt and unanswered questions- questions which will NEVER be answered. Questions only TJ could answer. So I turn to…
New Ink
I’m not sure if it’s obvious from any of my pictures, but I have this special tattoo on my right shoulder. My daughter designed it in remembrance of TJ and it’s been with me for just over two years. The original idea (per my request) had song lyrics wrapping the perimeter of a crescent moon that holds a swing with…