Memories are good and needed, in fact. We can no longer make new ones & so we cling to the old ones. However, TJ is not there. He is HERE.
A Needed Reminder
Category: Surviving
Music Soothes the Savage Beast
I didn’t know what today would bring. It’s relatively early in the day, in fact, and I still don’t know the path ahead of me. I woke feeling heavy, weighed down physically. It was hard to get out of bed. Puppy whining in her crate, “Let me out. I need to pee.” It was an hour or more later than…
A Foreigner in This Land
Have you ever been somewhere and felt so out of place that you felt like a foreigner? You had no idea where to go or how you’d get there if you did know. Have you ever been somewhere and felt like that even though you had been there dozens upon dozens of times? It is sort of like the opposite of deja vu. When you have deja vu there is a distinct feeling that you have seen something, been somewhere, met someone before. Even if you didn’t know WHY you felt that way there was a certainty that you knew “X”. Going back to the opposite, there’s a certainty that you know NOTHING. That is how I feel today. In terms of grieving that is.
River of Renewal
I am in several grief community Facebook groups. One is more general, one for parents, one for parents whose children died from cancer, and the most specific being for parents whose children died from brain cancer. I was reading posts in the childhood cancer group this morning and a mom was grieving the loss of her child and talking about…
Hauntings
I saw this Instagram post today and it was meaningful to me on multiple levels. It made me think of all the times I think of TJ, how he’s in my day and in my life but not in a physical form, a ghost if you will. Honestly, I don’t want to not think of TJ. I want an overwhelming…
Fulfilling
Since becoming “the grieving mother” I have joined several Facebook groups for the bereaved. Some specific to moms, some specific to childhood cancer, some specific to children’s brain caner. These groups have been my therapy for three years. At times I am heavily involved. I pour my heart out. I attend online chats. I cry over other people’s stories. I…
Mama’s Day
I am not always capable of overlooking the grief. That’s ok, though. It’s not about living in denial of sadness; it’s about living despite the sadness.
Checking out for the Night
“….I was mentally checked out for the day. I had worked my butt off the day before and even that morning….”
Hills and Valleys
Today I celebrate the first anniversary of This Mama’s Heart. When I started last January, I wasn’t quite sure if anyone outside my family and close friends would be interested in my thoughts- the good, bad, and the ugly. But as it turns out, other people are interested and I am truly blessed to know I have touched hearts. I…
Christmas Past
Christmas day is nearly upon us. It can feel quite surreal since Christmas is the start of the worst three weeks of my life. On December 26th, 2015 the shit hit the fan and the bottom fell out of my world. I can hardly bring myself to write about it. Everything was going “well” (meaning as well as it could…