Ah, it’s that time of year again. It’s back to school. It’s Childhood Cancer Awareness month. But more importantly for me, it’s TJ’s birthday month, and today is his 17th. A co-worker asked me yesterday, “How do you celebrate?”
“It’s never quite the same,” I shared with her. “I got him a cake, which I do every year, and I think we’re going to play some of his games.” That night, as I was winding down I asked TJ to send me a sign. I often ask for a specific sign. It was mentioned in a book, The Light Between Us, to ask for something specific as proof that it is in fact your loved one communicating with you. I did that in the beginning. And TJ never failed me. But last night I didn’t feel the need. I am perfectly aware that he visits me in many ways.
Well, what was the sign, you ask? Two: first he visited me in my dreams. He’s only done this a handful of times. Last night he was in my kitchen unloading the dishwasher. He was a teenager & looked well, healthy, vibrant. My dream-self was so excited, but aware it was only a visit, temporary. I was trying to take pictures of the two of us together. I kept saying to myself, “I can prove he’s here.” Then he was a toddler and his sister was holding him in her arms and spinning him in circles at a Christmas party. I was trying to video them but the Christmas tree kept obstructing the view. Then I woke…..
I fully remembered the dream, everything that happened and how I felt in my dream. I thanked TJ and moved on with my day after relishing in the memory of the dream for some time. So I began doing this and that and as I walked through the dining room and into living room I spotted something shiny on the dog’s bed. The dog was not there, just one blanket and this glistening object. I bent down and what to my wondering eyes did I see? It was a silver decorative booby pin with a star on it. I haven’t worn this hair pin in ages and there’s NO way the dog could’ve gotten it. I knew it was sent from TJ.
I had also taken the whole day off and purposely made no plans except for an appointment via Zoom with a medium. Say what you want but I do believe in an afterlife and I do believe those who are there communicate with us. But the point here is not to convince. It is just to say that I had a very touching hour with Karen.
She told me things about TJ that were so spot-on about his personality, his illness, and his life here on earth- and in heaven. It was hard to hear at times but I definitely came away knowing that TJ had come through to speak to me. And he wasn’t the only one. My maternal grandmother was there as well as TJ’s paternal grandfather. There were certainly things said that are too personal to share. However, I will say there were horses and creeks and pools and books and art…and birthday cake! The messages were ones of hope, connectedness, and love and light.
A bit later I picked up TJ’s cake from my favorite bakery, Cramer’s. It was so beautiful. And now that I think of it, it reminds me quite a bit of his urn. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to it. I don’t have his urn in my home and it makes me sad. TJ’s art teachers made it at my request and it became a point of debate as to which house it would reside. I knew TJ wouldn’t want me arguing over his ashes so I let the argument go. One day I will have another one made. Anyhow, I digress. The cake was beautiful.
Many of my family couldn’t be here in person for a variety of reasons. Well, we’ve gotten used to technology uniting us from afar. Enter Zoom. It wasn’t without a few minor complications but within 10 minutes we were all connected. It was loud and hectic. A typical Hudson gathering, for sure! We sang a horribly out-of-tune (on purpose) rendition of Happy Birthday and cut the cake. It was delicious and I am sure TJ was with us enjoying his cake!
So to my precious son, I say to you, “Happy 17th birthday, TJ! Mom loves you to the moon and back. You are as beautiful today as the day you were born. Thank you for spending your special day- and new life- with me.
This is so beautiful and touching. So grateful for the great day for u and our family
Thanks for being a part of the zoom shennanigans!