Good changes. Needed changes. But any change can be a challenge. The new, the uncharted, the unexpected. We just don’t know what’s around the corner. And THAT’S the real challenge. Not getting through everything you thought it would be; but getting through everything you didn’t. I found out yesterday that a friend died suddenly, her life ending at 34 years old, on the cusp of her nuptials next month. Now that’s change. I should know. Losing a loved one that you had plans to have in your life for years to come and now is suddenly gone….that’s what I call “the unexpected”.
Like my friend Kat’s family, my family has also life has changed (though thankfully not due to a(nother) death) and I find myself spending days with the background sounds from Amazon Music and Pandora rather than that of the kids. With both girls now off at college- one in Vermont and one in Minnesota- and the youngest attending school here in town, I work to find a routine of my own. I take the Little Man to the bus stop and then walk back home to take the dog out for his morning hate-walk (yes, he hates walking in the day time because the cars are just too much for him.) We usually last 3 minutes at best, me coercing him to go one more foot the whole way until I give up. Then I catch up on email, get a little more unpacked, run an errand or two, maybe meet a friend for coffee like I’m doing today. Yesterday I took a nap which was glorious. Then, before I know it, Rocco is deposited back in my arms to spend the rest of the evening at home doing homework, playing with a new friend, and maybe catching a favorite cartoon before bed.
It sounds easy. It sounds quiet. It sounds peaceful. It is. And it is new and it is sweet. So where is the challenge? Those of you who know me best are probably thinking, ‘She’s sitting still? What’s wrong with her? What is she going to do with herself and with her time? Doing nothing is not like her! Can she survive in this slow-paced microcosm known as her new life?’ Well, hold the phone. There are still more changes on the horizon. Next week I will be taking on a new role, helping out at the office when the intake nurse is out (That’s funny, right? The INtake nurse is OUT? Anyhow…) I will also start making field visits to help out the hospice teams. Case management isn’t something I could go back to but being the per diem visit nurse I can handle. So I will still keep busy, but I will also have a significant amount of time on my hands during the day.
What do I intend to do with all that time? Anything I want and without doubt, worry, or guilt! I think I’ll get back into photography and painting. I have missed my creative outlets and need them back in my life. Hopefully I will see friends more (hint hint: DM, PM, or text me!) And maybe I’ll take that occasional nap that I have heretofore rarely let myself take.
As if missing my angel-son (whose birthday is fast approaching) wasn’t enough, the loss of Kat is a stark reminder to live your best life; to love as deeply as you can; to not be afraid to go for it in life- to go for that job, that promotion, that connection, that relationship, that piece of Grandma’s pie! Life is fleeting. Change is inevitable. Embrace the new and the different. Be bold. Be you as only you know how! The trees change color every Fall and we all marvel at their beauty. You are that beauty. I am that beauty. We are all that beauty.
Peace out~
