Only Joy

January. In its twenty-one days, it has been a month so far marked by tears and marked by smiles. I have passed through the anniversaries of TJ’s death and funeral which are never easy (tears). But I also celebrated the birthday of this blog, which was very cool (smiles)! I have packed away clothing of TJ’s (tears). But I have started to re-assert and proclaim the joy in my life (smiles).

Part of that proclamation is embarking on a year-long (or however long it takes) journey of throwing stuff out. I started January 1st by deciding that every day I would toss or donate at least one item from a home that is overrun by things. And in the midst of change there is no room for unloved things that no longer serve or bring joy.

I sat down one evening to watch TV. Searching through Netflix I soon found “Tidying Up”, a show that brings the sweetness and calming nature of Marie Kondo to your living room as she helps people free themselves of clutter and stress. I was intrigued because of my decision to declutter my own home, my life, even. Each episode tells the story of how the person, couple, or family reached the point of wanting her help, the first being a woman who is an empty-nester and whose husband had died. She still had all of his clothing and belongings, not to mention rooms full of her kids’ treasures, and of course her own lot of stuff. The cameras pan around the lovely home and at first glance the viewer has NO idea why this woman could possibly need Marie’s help. But as they start to open cabinets and drawers and look behind closed doors it becomes clear that this woman is buried in the memories and stress of things pushed to the edges of her home, tucked away from the public’s eye, but obviously weighing heavily on her heart.

Her story was quite meaningful to me. It struck a chord, and not just because she too had suffered loss. So many times I have “cleaned” my home for the public’s eye, making it beautiful, all the while there lurked a mountain of crap in the basement, behind a bedroom door, or in the great beyond known as the attic. The problem with this is that the items that were temporarily put in those places soon found permanent placement there, exiles in their own home. It made me think (and this is certainly NOT the first time I’ve had this thought): if those things weren’t important enough to be brought back out and used then why do I have them in the first place? It would seem, then, that I had inadvertently rehomed all this STUFF and their existence had become a distant memory. I felt affirmed and inspired to stay on course with my “one item each day” plan and to perhaps go even further.

I started with my clothing and went through every area where it hides- the closets, under the bed, and the attic. I gathered seven kitchen-sized trash bags for the “donate” pile before moving on to the linen closet. Staring at this weakly organized and painfully messy closet, two things occurred to me: first, no family needs 40 wash cloths (I honestly don’t know how many I had but it was a LOT., maybe more than 40); and second, if there’s not enough room for everything when it’s ALL washed and put away then there’s probably (insert sarcastic tone) too much. How many towels does one person need? There’s actually an answer on Google for that (“ask the Google” as my sister likes to joke). Three. Apparently one in use, one in the linen closet, and one in the wash. That sounded reasonable and after all, The Google is never wrong.

I have now donated 12 bags of clothing and/or linens and have two trunk-fulls of miscellaneous crap to get rid of (by two trunks I mean the back row of my van is down so it’s really a trunk and a row waiting to go and about that much set aside in the basement waiting to go, as well.) Yesterday I set my sights on the basement. Once upon a time when the big kids were little it was their playroom, but that ceased to exist at least five years ago if not longer. There have been times- few and fleeting times- when it was reclaimed, however, in the absence of anyone actually playing down there or otherwise utilizing the space, it never lasted. My youngest does NOT like to play alone. He will play by himself from time to time in the living room where he can still “be” with someone, but the basement? You’d think I was sending him to Siberia. Despite his mindset I persist in attempting to revitalize this forgotten space into something useful for more than a dumping ground. With his help, we managed to accumulate all these items to pass on, a mixture of unused kitchen items and toys. Only that blue basket is staying as he decided he still wanted anything dinosaur- or pirate-themed. There are also seven bags of trash to dispose of. Thank goodness tomorrow is trash day!

So this is my task today: to take out the trash, run items to the donation drop-off, and then reload all this into the van for a second run. Why am I telling you all this? I don’t know. I suppose one part transparency, one part speaking it into the universe. Much like the journey I’ve been on releasing my body from unwanted pounds, I believe that saying it out loud is more meaningful and can be quite powerful. So with that I will leave you with these parting hashtags I have adopted as my own: #thisisforme , #THISISMYYEAR , and #onlyjoy These are my M.O.s from now on.