Our family celebrated the wedding of my sister yesterday and so yet another special occasion has come and gone without the sweet exuberance of my TJ. It was an amazing day with such love and joy. But for me, I can’t help but miss the one who’s missing.
It all started Friday night when we went out to dinner at a local Baltimore pub. I was sitting next to another sister when she pulled out her phone to look up something about the World Series. As my gaze drifted her way I was caught off guard by her screensaver. It was taken when TJ and I were visiting in Seattle and the two of them went to the Seattle Sounders game. 
I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn’t. They welled up and spilled out. A poke in the tummy from my sister elicited the smile and giggle she was hoping for, bringing me back from the brink of a full-on meltdown.
The night ended and the next day we had rehearsal and brunch. It was a beautiful morning but for me it was tinged with a sadness that only a mama would feel.
Sunday came- wedding day! Woohoo. We all had so much to do that I hardly had a chance to think about anything. It was early still- 8am? I decided I needed some music to dance to and get my groove on. I chose my Beyoncé Pandora station. I’m not really a big Beyoncé fan but she has some great music that is sure to get you moving. The very first song that came on was “I Was Here” which was the background song to a tribute made by TJ’s big sister, Caitlin, for his Celebration of Life. I wanted to listen. To immerse myself in the lyrics and scream it out. But I knew I had to stay focused on the task at hand- getting ready for the wedding day. I took a moment to say, “Yes, TJ, you were here and I know you ARE here today.”
As guests arrived at the wedding they were asked to sign the “guest book” which was a box of domino tiles. The newlyweds love to play Mexican Train so each guest could choose to sign one and later they will be modge podged to last forever. I signed one from TJ who I know was smiling down on the day. As I made my way over to my table I saw three lovely origami cranes on each table. 
A tip of the hat to TJ? I don’t know. But everyone knows TJ was an origami fanatic so maybe it was. Regardless, the cranes made me smile. I placed one in my purse to bring home. So the day went on without my TJ. Vows were said. Songs were sung. Music played. Guests danced and laughed. Bubbles were blown. Everyone was happy. A mama missed her son.
I am ever so thrilled that my sister has found love and to have a new big brother. It was a glorious day!
