Two million, one-hundred-three thousand, eight hundred, forty minutes. That is how long it has been that I have known about gliomatosis cerebri, the beast that ended my son’s earthly existence but can NEVER end his spirit.
On this day four years ago I was taking TJ to the ER with my sister at my side. About five hours into our time we were being taken aside and learning about this spider web of a tumor that was infiltrating his brain.
But as I said, while GC may have taken TJ from my physical presence, I know he is always here with me, with us. He has been sending me the same numerical message for a couple weeks now. Many people believe that frequently seeing repetitive numbers is a sign. “11 11” is said to be a message from angels, spirits, and guides that they are there, reminding you of their presence., a call to spiritual awareness, and oneness.
In the beginning I saw 11:11 here and there. But lately it’s been much more often, to the point of sticking in my mind that ‘hey, there it is again.’ I don’t know, just something that has been happening pretty regularly. I realize many of you may not believe in signs or angels, or signs from angels, but I do. And I’m grateful to my TJ for the gentle reminders that he’s here with me every day.
So what did I do on this anniversary day? I had big plans to do a bunch of nothing! Which is mostly what I kept to. I straightened up a bit, ran a couple errands, and took my daughter practice driving. While out I suddenly thought, ‘Hey, we’re in Southampton. The tattoo shop I want to have finish my TJ tattoo is here.’ I directed my daughter through the town to the shop, all while practicing braking, left turns, watching out for traffic, and parking. I made my way into The Inkwell & told the girl at the desk that my friend recommended Tyler to me to finish the lettering and she booked me an appointment for mid-September (bonus- it’s right before TJ’s birthday!) I’m thrilled to have FINALLY set the date and am anxiously awaiting every painful etch.
We walked back to the car and as I went on and on about how happy I was I noticed my shirt- the same one I wore when I got part one of the tattoo, as seen below.
This amazing artist is Jon. He will forever be thought of as the man who gave me TJ’s mark. The tattoo was drafted by my daughter and tweaked by Jon to be more fitting for a tattoo. Originally the words “let me play among the stars” were to warp along the outer edge of the moon but the lettering would have been too small. The words will now be written on my inner arm, really just for me to know they are there.
After getting the appointment booked (oh, and I picked up a bottle of Moscato) we headed home where I snuggled TJ’s little brother, had two glasses of wine, and am planning on having some chocolate peanut butter ice cream. There was an at-home pedicure on my wish list but I haven’t gotten to it yet and it’s already after 10:30pm. I suppose I should wait until tomorrow, especially with the vino in my system. I’ve been known to be a little sloppy with beauty products while imbibing. It’s been a decent day despite holding back the tears now and again. I miss TJ horribly but I also know he’s here. It’s really quite strange, and surreal and wonderful and sad and torturous and bizarre and all this and more rolled into one very complex and heavy emotional suitcase!
