That Smell

Most people who have experienced the loss of someone close to them could probably tell you the signs that a departed loved one is near- the ones “they” tell you about. “They” are the folks who are in tune with this other dimension where our parents, children, siblings, and friends now exist. I know some will roll their eyes but I have honestly experienced these. And I know a couple friends who have also lost their children and they have had many more experiences, encounters if you will, than I have. They will confirm that these signs are real, that there are too many coincidences to really be a coincidence.

I have just had one of these signs. It was the smell of my TJ. I’ve had smell signs before but they were not HIS smell. This was 100% HIS smell. So clear, so strong. I was straightening his bed from his little brother sleeping in it last night. Said Little Brother is at Nanny’s tonight so he won’t be needing it and I’m a sucker for an unmade bed- I MUST MAKE THAT BED. I started by fixing the sheets and comforter. I placed the scattered stuffed animals back in their places, putting the heart-covered Webkinz in a prominent place (because, you know, hearts!) His Minecraft head went back in the corner and his blanket got folded at the end of the bed with his handmade “TJ” pillowcase on top and finally his tartan scarf. 

I turned, thinking the bed was back in order, when I spotted his teddy bear. This bear is in a sealed zip bag so that I can smell it, smell him. I opened it up & kissed the bear’s little nose, telling TJ how much I love him. Bear went back into the bag & settled into a nook amongst the other animals. I didn’t smell TJ particularly in that moment. Honestly, I don’t usually, but it’s the idea I suppose that he slept with the bear for many years and it was suggested to me as a way to preserve any smells that may be on the bear.

So there was no particular scent, I offered a peck, a nuzzle, an “I love you”, and back he went. A little tidying of Rocco’s things followed for about the next five minutes. Nothing out of the ordinary to note. Until………..until all of a sudden there it was, there HE was. It was like he walked into the room and snuggled right up next to me. The scent swirled around me and swept me away. Eyes closed, I breathed in deep and long. He filled my senses and my mind and for one moment he was there. It was glorious. And a little sad. But mostly glorious. I know he’s here. He knows I keep my mind and my senses awake and alert for him. We work together like that. My buddy. My sweetie. My luvie.

Come and visit again soon sweetie pie. Mama’s here waiting.