August 9th. Today. Thirty-one months have marched by since TJ left this plane. Marched? Crawled? Eeked? Which word is the best? “Eek” sounds right since that gives me a sense of just barely getting by, like me most days. “Crawled” sounds good since the days without him are long. “Marched” seems right too though, because marching feels harsh to me just like this hand that’s been dealt. They are all right. Thirty-one months have eek-crawl-marched (eekawlarched?). I feel every one of those 944 days. Wow, that’s such a big number. Almost a thousand. Hmm. I had no idea.
So what did today bring on this 944th day without my sweet TJ? Mostly good. I was able to get my daughter’s school books for next year at a really great price- awesome! I found out my clothing subscription company is giving me a refund on some items that had shrunk- double awesome. But the biggest thing of them all……DRUM ROLL PLEASE……….Rocco is sleeping in his room. Not by himself, but still, in his room.
It started when he wanted to sleep in his sisters’ room but they stay up late & there’s no place for him to lay down, what with the messy floor and all. I suggested he sleep in his room since I’m sleeping in there tonight (it’s my work week & that’s where I sleep to have a quiet area). I said he could have his own bed or TJ’s bed. He chose TJ’s & asked that TJ’s stuffed animals be placed all around him so he would feel safe. Done. He has called me in there a few times for what I felt like was manipulation, but knowing this is a big deal I answered his calls in person the first three times- once to tell me maybe he shouldn’t have read about dinos before bed (hah, we do that every night & all we did was look at their sizes and where they were discovered); once to ask for a different blanket (I gave him TJ’s which he was very happy about); and finishing the last visit to his room by turning on some quiet music on the CD clock radio his sister loaned him.
He called me one last time from upstairs to inform me the clock said “one, two, dot, dot, O, O.” To which I replied “That’s because the clock was unplugged. I’m not making a special trip to fix it. I’ll do it when I come to bed.” As far as I know he’s sound asleep……………yep, he’s out and our sweet pup, Roscoe, is at his side. Now as long as my work phone doesn’t wake him up overnight we’ll be golden!
I consider this a pretty darn good day (even if I couldn’t find cheaper health insurance which somehow became my mission this afternoon). I’m going to watch Tuesday night’s “America’s Got Talent” on Hulu and call it a night.
Morning after update: Rocco stayed in TJ’s bed all night. He fussed around quite a bit, until about midnight or so, sort of sleep talking and waking to say he was hot and wanting a drink. But he never even asked to move beds and he stayed for the duration. I had one work call at 5:20am and he slept right through it 🙂
