Christmas day is nearly upon us. It can feel quite surreal since Christmas is the start of the worst three weeks of my life. On December 26th, 2015 the shit hit the fan and the bottom fell out of my world. I can hardly bring myself to write about it. Everything was going “well” (meaning as well as it could…
Driving to the home school co-op this morning I felt the holiday sadness creeping in. Like a wiggle worm- one part “get off me” and one part “don’t go away”- the emotions moved through my ears to my head, to my heart, and finally finding their escape route as tears that drenched my cheeks. It’s never easy knowing how to…
Thanksgiving. It’s tomorrow. My co-worker called me this morning to ask if I’d be okay. “It is what it is,” I replied. “Yes, it is.” We ended our conversation with promises to talk tomorrow and I moseyed into the kitchen to tackle some cleaning. After all the dishes were cleaned I set my sights on dusting. I enlisted the help…
Our family celebrated the wedding of my sister yesterday and so yet another special occasion has come and gone without the sweet exuberance of my TJ. It was an amazing day with such love and joy. But for me, I can’t help but miss the one who’s missing. It all started Friday night when we went out to dinner at…
Inspire. To fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. To create (a feeling, especially a positive one) in a person. To animate someone with (such a feeling). To give rise to. People look at me & say I am an inspiration. Why? What have I done? I have done nothing.…
Mind. Blown. I had tied a bow on my last post and decided to do some further reading on the art of kintsugi. It’s the Japanese art of repairing pottery with silver and gold. On the website of My Modern Met it tells the history of this beautiful technique. There it says: “The practice is related to the Japanese philosophy…
I have been wanting to write for some time and haven’t. I don’t know exactly why I haven’t. I have these thoughts I want to get out but I’m always doing something and I say “later”. I have been plagued by guilt and unanswered questions- questions which will NEVER be answered. Questions only TJ could answer. So I turn to…
I’m not sure if it’s obvious from any of my pictures, but I have this special tattoo on my right shoulder. My daughter designed it in remembrance of TJ and it’s been with me for just over two years. The original idea (per my request) had song lyrics wrapping the perimeter of a crescent moon that holds a swing with…
I am assuming that all the kids are back to school by now. I know mine are. Rachel is safely ensconced in the foothills at college. We heard from her on Sunday and she’s making friends. She dropped a class, added another, and was asked to skip up from the beginning dance intensive to the advanced so she felt good…
I see now that most of the hard times in my life now are difficult “on more than one level.” Nothing has a cut and dry reason or explanation. If you saw me getting tearful today you would reasonably assume it’s because I am missing the chatter of Rachel’s energy. What wouldn’t be obvious is that there’s another level of…